A Soft Place to Land: Why Coaching and Tears Are Often Seen Together
If 2024 were captured in a word, it would be holistic. Holistic healing for the learner, the individual, and the collective drives us forward. When I served as an academic coach in a research one institution, I remember one senior who cried in nearly every session. I’d open the door and warmly greet her, and sometimes, before we could sit, tears would spring to her eyes.
You might think she was struggling, but her mental health was stable, and she was thriving—a U.S. Army Smarts Scholar with top grades and an incredible future ahead. Fiercely, passionately, and bravely intelligent, this young woman had no issues with performance or mental health. So why would someone so successful have such a strong emotional response in coaching?
The answer lies in creating a “soft place to land.” Our coaching sessions were a rare space where she could feel seen and accepted without needing to mask, compartmentalize, or code-switch—especially valuable for someone from a historically marginalized identity in STEM. In these moments, she didn’t need to filter her emotions or deny any part of herself; she was safe to be both powerful and vulnerable, logical and emotional.
The Humanity We’re Asked to Hide
In the workforce, we’re often told to "leave the personal out" of our work, to minimize feelings as if they were distractions. However, emotions often signal the actions we need to take. Ignoring or suppressing feelings means ignoring what the body and mind are trying to communicate. When we tune into our emotions, we gain insights: anger can tell us when we've been wronged, sadness reminds us to change patterns for a more hopeful future, and tears often reveal a deep part of ourselves longing to be seen. This holistic approach—acknowledging our humanity—creates higher-quality work, particularly in fields like STEM, where empathy can improve design, safety, and innovation.
Coaching as a Gateway to Holistic Self-Awareness
For my former student, coaching became a way to explore and honor those parts of herself that felt sidelined in traditional academic and corporate environments. I encouraged her to use this space to recognize when she was truly safe and to cultivate similar spaces as she moved forward. In STEM, where the challenges of being neurodivergent, a woman, gender-fluid, Black, brown, Indigenous, disabled, or queer can make us feel isolated, it’s essential to seek out these spaces of understanding and authenticity.
Our professional societies, conferences, and personal networks can offer these soft places, and one-on-one coaching can be the first step to building them.
Tears and Transformation
The first thing many clients say when they start to cry is, “I’m so sorry; I don’t know why I’m crying.” I smile, gently reminding them that their tears are not only welcome but celebrated here. This compassion grows from a shared frustration with a world that often demands we hide our sensitivity and humanity for productivity’s sake. My response is always: “You and your tears are safe here.”
The coming years may be challenging, and we need to find people who will hold us holistically, in both our strength and vulnerability. Together, we can honor our emotions, process them, and take collective action toward healthier, more equitable workplaces and communities.
A Resource to Help You Start
This piece is a love letter to every client who has found a safe space to cry—and to anyone searching for a resource that prioritizes wellness, equity, and resilience. I’m introducing a free 21-day journal, filled with prompts designed to help you ground yourself, reflect on recent events, and find motivation to pursue collective action. The journal also offers exercises to help you find clarity and purpose as you take your next steps toward positive change.
You’re not alone. Whether you’re navigating your emotions privately or with a community, remember that you are seen, valued, and held. This journey is for us to share, and the safe places we build together will support the strategic planning, healing, and growth to come.
