Magic, Mayhem, and Motherhood: Introducing the Scale
The visual is a rainbow scale representing different stages of parenthood. On the left end, there is a red (-) sign with an angry, red smiley face above it. On the right end is a green (+) sign with a happy, green smiley face above it. Between these two extremes are three additional smiley faces in orange, yellow, and light green. These faces display a range of emotions from frowny to indifferent to content, corresponding to their positions on the scale.
Motherhood, to me, is a delicate balance between magic and mayhem. It’s slow mornings on the porch with a cup of coffee, stretching or reading with my children. We watch a ruby-breasted hawk glide gracefully from the high treetops of the poplars to a fence post atop the blackberries. She ensures no voles disturb their roots. My children, my hope, and the peace of an abundant yard garden speckled in morning light—that's absolute magic. This is what my motherhood dreams are made of.
The other side of that beauty is managing a three-year-old having a meltdown on a business-class flight because he can’t explore the main cabin during takeoff, or worse, because he has to wear his seatbelt. It’s pure mayhem—screams and a few kicks before settling into just screams (partial credit for no kicking?). Adam looked at me with eyes that said, “How do we fix this?” and I responded, “We only manage it.”
Parenthood is a personalized form of whiplash between beauty and pain. You go along, pretending or faking it until you make it, chanting, “We’re fine, we’re fine, oh my gosh, how sweet!” Then, without warning, you ask, “Holy cow, am I in Dante’s 8th ring of hell?” Before you know it, your sweet, smiling toddler becomes a potty-training threenager who removes his pants in the library and refuses to put them back on. Nobody warns you that it’s scary to see your worst traits possibly played out in your child (not so much the pants thing, but the general “I hate all people” behavior). Should I start a therapy fund alongside the 529 account?
Here’s my pep talk to you and myself: try to relish it all—the good and the bad. My fun fact last night at my women’s mountain bike ride was that I spent 4 out of the last 5 years pregnant. Isn’t that crazy? Yet, it’s true. What a beautiful, magical, overwhelming, deeply hard, deeply political (hello pregnancy in a post-Roe vs. Wade world) journey! It absolutely sucks to suck, especially in a sport you were once solidly okay at. But as one mom friend reminded me, it gets better. Life gets easier. The time you invest now helps them become the person they will blossom into, so nurture the seed. As a gardener, I know that seeds are an investment in time, and children are no different. So what do we do?
Know that balance is a temporary fallacy. This chapter is a little helter-skelter. So make time for:
hydration
one activity outside the home for yourself
read for 10 minutes daily
Remind yourself that there’s a world out there and you are very much still in it.
The visual features a cedar plank board as the background. On the right side of the board, there is a cup of tea. In the middle, there is a stack of books, and on the left, there is some foliage. At the top of the visual, a banner reads "Always remember..." Below the banner, there are three bullet points:
1. Hydration
2. Do something for yourself out of the house once a week
3. Read for 10 minutes a day
Your Self-Efficacy is a Work in Progress; Community is Key
As a working professional, I know I can survive a hard day, feedback, and failure. But as a mom, the self-efficacy isn’t there yet. Therefore, when I mess up or make mistakes (like choosing the wrong care facility), I am extremely hard on myself and wonder if I am any good. I wonder if I messed up an experience for my child. I consider blaming myself for my son’s speech delay (was it the acne medicine I used while pregnant?). When the anxiety monster named Wanda comes knocking, go to your community to remind you that you have LOVE—gentle, endearing, unconditional love. That’s what will save both you and your child. Intentionally build your community wisely, meticulously, and mercifully.
Journal for Yourself
When I journal, I am a better person. There’s a reason why I created one. I build the exact life I desire and, better yet, have a more grateful perspective than when I don’t. Process all the feels, share your deepest desire and go for better, always.
Where’s your scale today? Oh, and hey, mama, you got this.
